Punishment for Reyes or Daddy & Mummy?

Mummy's post:

All the while I've been complaining more about Reyden's mischievious acts and naughty behaviours. However recently Reyes' behaviour had been a concern too. She started to get upset with us, sob in silence or refuse to talk to us if we scold or even raise our voice slightly at her. This is especially so after Kent scolds her each time. She'll sulk and refuse to talk to him, let him touch her, bath/feed her and even tell him "我生爸爸的气,因为他骂我。"

There was once when I found her sobbing in the room for almost an hour. When asked what happened, she told me "我不喜欢你大大声骂我". In summary, she had us "manipulated" with her words and reactions to our scoldings and disciplining. This put us in a very difficult position whenever we want to discipline her.

For this I can still handle it fine. Perhaps cos I have more patience with her and she's more willing to listen to me so I'll talk to her nicely most of the time. However there will still be time when Kent needs to step in to teach and things turn nasty sometimes ... That was the case for last night.

The cause of scolding for both kids was a trivial one but Reyes had to throw tantrums at Kent and bang on the mattress while I was in the washroom. The cane was already whipped out when I came out of the washroom. She got 3 strokes of it, 2 on her thighs and 1 on her backside. This is the 1st time I've seen her so scared and she cried till she started to shiver. Though we agreed not to intervene when the other party is disciplining the kids but I had to put a stop and hold her away. She couldn't stop crying and eventually vomitted ...

As I was bathing her, she was more or less calmed down. I asked her "你知道为什么爸爸打你吗？" and she could answer me "因为我坏蛋,不乖" before starting to sob again. My tears rolled down with hers. It hurt me so badly. I knew that she understood what she did was wrong but she just didn't expect Daddy to really cane her. So it came as a shock to her.

She promised me not to be naughty or throw tantrums at Daddy again and went to bed with teary eyes. And that was after saying sorry to Daddy ... The episode ended with Kent having to wash the soiled bedsheets and me very much affected by the flashbacks of her being caned. Kent didn't feel good for the night either.

This morning she woke up recalling the incident and told us the cane marks still hurt and she won't be naughty again. However by the later half of the day she was back to her normal cheerful self again whereas Kent and I are still feeling 心疼 each time we see the cane marks.

我问自己这样的管教方式到底是在惩罚孩子还是我们呢？或许体罚对他们带来的影响还不及于对我们的精神惩罚来的重。以下的这张照片是要提醒自己和Kent以后不要再这样“折磨”自己了 ...